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Are you going to repaint the white? I think it adds to your "federal" look, and a color that complements what you decide to paint the shutters would really help. Otherwise I think a shade of green or taupe would look nice. I understand what you mean, if you find the right color, then it can make the whole house look different.
As far as other ideas to soften the house, how about something over the door? Some taller trees in front so you don't have a direct view of the house may help. Maybe change the light beside the door too. Not that I don't like it, but I think it would really give you a different look.
Is that what you meant?
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